So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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