yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
