I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
