she looked like the before picture.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
