Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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