escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
