She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
