She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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