I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
