jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
