have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
