no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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