he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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