On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
