I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize