Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
