The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
