guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I deserve this hangover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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