I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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