Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
