I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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