I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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