Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
