When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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