you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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