I'm passing your future prison.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
