He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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