Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
