yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
