In the future we'll all be gay
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
