Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
