Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
