i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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