maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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