If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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