I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
