So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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