hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
