hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm always down for nudity.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
