if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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