Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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