The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
