I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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