Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
