put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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