Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
