I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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