this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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