she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize