Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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