All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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