If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
