Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
