I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
