I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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