woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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