I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Houston, we have a blender
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize