i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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