When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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