That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
