the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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