Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
