took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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