I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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