Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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