Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
