I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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