I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
