Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize