Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We smell like vodka and hangover
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