thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
