can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize