Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
