The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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