MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize