You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
