My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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