a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
