dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
