1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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