drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
