I'm so fucking centered right now
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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