Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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