I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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