Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
