After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
