Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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