No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
God, I missed his penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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