no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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