I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
