escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
