please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
