Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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