No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize