drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
