True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
