this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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