The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize