i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
